The longer I’m married the more clearly I see I am like a lava lamp and my husband is like, well, a regular lamp. (For the purposes of this analogy only. Not trying to impune his originality or creativity. In case he reads this.) So a regular lamp is only “on” when you turn it on. Otherwise it’s off. Very straightforward. It shines at one level of brightness, or is completely dark. A lava lamp on the other hand has all these globs of who know’s what (?!) floating around in varying stages of light and it changes constantly. Kind of mesmorizing but also, not exactly the best light to say, read or sew or look for your missing birth control pill that fell out of your hand onto the floor (happened this morning).
So, in my world, when I start off my day it’s like turning on my lava lamp brain. All these pieces of information begin moving around in my mind bumping into each other and sometimes combining into new ideas. One thought sparks another, often unrelated to the current thought at hand, and I just add to the globs as the day goes on. So, if for example, I’m thinking about “did I remember to send in Klynt’s football forms”, it leads to “I’m going to have to change my counseling hours when football season starts so I can be at the games”, which leads to “what am I planning for dinner tonight”. (Because last year during football season, planning dinners on game nights was challenging.) Which then leads to a deeper thought on “whether I’m doing a good job balancing caring for my family and working” and “do they feel nurtured” and “are we really sharing meals together the way I believe is good”.
And all this goes on between the time I wake up and pour my first cup of coffee.
Enter my husband, sleepy and non-globby brained who is, at the moment, thinking “Breakfast“. He then asks, “do we have any of that good juice left that I liked?” It’s really an innocent question, but unfortunately for him he just threw a blob in my lamp that hit my last thought about not knowing if my family feels nurtured. New blob: defensiveness. “Well, we would have more but our grocery budget only stretches so far and I told you if you’d drink a little less we wouldn’t run out.” Poor guy just wanted a glass of juice. He looks at me like I’m sort of cute and cranky and continues about the process of breakfast. My husband is unfailingly patient.
Meanwhile 3 new blobs have appeared including: guilt “I was being defensive for no good reason”, time “I have got to get Emma moving or we’ll never get out the door” and football forms have reappeared “must ask Klynt if I gave him the forms”. Now that I’m more awake the blobs get brighter and move around faster, but they’re all still there. In fact, that little blob of guilt will reemerge when I see my husband later that evening. Now here’s the proof that he doesn’t carry all his thoughts about everything he is connected to all day in his brain: when I apologize for being defensive in the morning, he will inevitably ask “for what?” Every time. He had turned that thought off as soon as he finished breakfast: “Cranky wife” was replaced with “Shower and Get to Work”, and it never reappeared. I love this about him for many reasons.
Thankfully, the Lord is always moving around in my mind as well. Reminding me which blobs to throw out, which ones to pay attention to and that he created me this way for a good purpose.