We had gone to bed grumpy and at odds so I was pleasantly surprised when my hubby reached over to snuggle me in the morning. Then almost as quickly thoughts of resistance began surfacing from some self protective place in my heart….
I don’t know if I’m ready to make up….
I need to make sure he understands exactly why I was annoyed before we start acting normal….
I ended up ignoring the thoughts and snuggling. I’m so glad I did. The love being offered softened my self righteous and self absorbed thoughts and helped me be more willing to have a humble conversation. To be perfectly honest though, there are many times in marriage where I have kept the good at arm’s length just to stay in a perceived state of control.
I think we all have this tendency- to push the one thing we need away when it shows up so we don’t have to feel vulnerable or acknowledge our needs. We keep the light out.
1 John 1:5 says “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.” Those words are so beautiful. No darkness at all. So unlike me or this world I live in. At best I could say “Debi is a mixed bag of light and dark- it’s a little murky in there some days, other days she shines. But, there is no way she will ever just be completely light.” But God….. He is only light. Pure, holy, bright and constant. And how I love that about Him! Yet, so often, in our struggle with sin or suffering- His light shows up and we go into defense mode to keep it away.
A friend offering unexpected help that is declined. A compliment from a coworker dismissed. An opportunity to confess a real issue to a friend that instead stays superficial small talk. A challenge passed on to avoid fear of failing. A chance to serve declined because it would require sacrifice and we would rather not be stretched. A question from a concerned friend unanswered to keep it casual. A passage of scripture skipped over to avoid conviction.
All times God’s light could come crashing into our worlds by comforting, using, affirming or changing us. But we have to choose to let the light in, to “walk in the light” with Christ, as verse 7 says, in order to experience its’ effects. The beauty and comfort God’s light offers, means being exposed and vulnerable. You can’t hide in the light.
And we don’t need to. Because Jesus brought His light to the darkest places and defeated all our enemies: death and shame and insecurity and fear, we can live as children of Light. We can open our hearts and lives to all the ways God shows up- both comforting and challenging- knowing He is moving us toward Him. We can drop our self protective barriers and welcome the way we are fully seen, knowing we are already fully loved.
We just need to let the Light in.