Validation

So this morning all the members of my family took turns asking if I felt ok. Clearly I do not look well today. I explained in brief, and avoiding the word uterus entirely which I want some kind of points for, that mom has “woman stuff” going on. They all very sweetly gave me the sympathetic look and a “sorry, mom” and we proceeded to get people out the door to school. Currently I’d like to crawl back into bed, but I have clients in 45 minutes, and as with all things, it’ll pass.

My “woman stuff” has progressed nicely from an inconvenience into an issue. Manageable issue, to be sure, but an issue none-the-less. I find myself feeling the need to talk about it with my husband and occasionally the children, and today I realized why. I mean, there’s really nothing they can do for me- and I’m not even asking to be let out of my daily responsibilities. I want to be validated. I want them to say, “Man, mom has been feeling so yucky, but look at this nice dinner she stood in the kitchen for 45 minutes making us.” or “Wow, my wife packed me a lunch this morning even though she wanted to lay down with the heating pad.” I want credit for pushing through discomfort. (I’m feeling less noble by the minute, as write this mind you.) But it’s true.

What I notice about getting validation from people is that it never seems to be enough. Now, I don’t think it’s wrong to want to be known and understood by those you love. In fact, explaining how you feel and being honest is good and healthy. But, in the end, no one really understands how you feel. Not completely. Except God. Proverbs says, and I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t remember the reference to look it up (and I have clients in 38 minutes now), that no man really understands your sorrow or joy completely. That each heart experiences those feelings in such a personal way that no one else can exactly empathize. Which is why I think finding validation in others doesn’t quite satisfy. Plus, throw in the obvious fact that sometimes your loved ones have their own issues going on and they really don’t care at the moment. Which is not to say they are failing you (or me). They’re just people and let’s face it, when I’m in my issue, I’m not really feeling too empathetic about their issue either.

So, this brings us back to God. Through Christ, we have this great path to take all of our weakness, hurts, pitiful moments and neediness before God. The Bible says, we can approach God with confidence “to find help in our time of need.” And, God completely understands. Is utterly interested. Has exactly what I need to get through each moment of joy or sorrow or pain or “woman stuff”. So today I’m asking God for perspective. To see my need to depend on Him when I feel yucky and not ask my family to meet my needs of validation. To realize it’s all temporary and He uses this earthly stuff to teach and change me. To remember to talk to Him about it. (If only I would always remember!)

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