In so many ways, while technology has made life easier it sure has complicated everything. I think about what my life was like 25 years ago when I was a young mom raising little ones and I am sad for my younger mama friends today, even though we did have to make do without pouches and wubbies and scheduling doctor appointments on our phones (all of which would have been lovely). Still, I am convinced, it was much easier to live my life and run my home back then. Tik tok, Pinterest and Instagram have stolen the freedom to function in the ordinary and stay present, leading to what I have noticed seem to be wild swings between picture perfect scripted over the top cute moments and utterly chaotic and disorganized stressful moments; the energy expended creating the former leads to the disappointment in the latter. The rhythm of a normal life requires we experience fewer perfect “highs” which will help mitigate all the stress-filled “lows” I see so many women wrestling with.
So, if you are a mom in the trenches raising your children, will you allow me to “big sister” you and make a few suggestions? I recognize you are facing pressures that did not exist 25 years ago so I offer these with no judgement- only the hope that you could see a simpler path than the one our comparative and fear based culture is pushing.
•Put your phone away while driving, cooking, eating, bathing and playing with your children. Literally, put it in another room or your purse. The temptation to document every moment, then re-do it so the picture looks better is interrupting connection. Children need attunement. They need you to come out from behind the screen and be very present even while they are playing independently, working on homework or snuggling in your lap. You can only attune to one thing or person at a time- so if you are on your phone, you are disconnected. And children are more likely to act out if they are used to needing to get louder to gain your attunement- leading you to feel more overwhelmed and exhausted by dealing with loud, whiny kids all day! It’s a viscous cycle that can be easily interrupted by putting your phone away.
• Bookend your days. Create (very) basic morning and evening routines with your kids that are practiced and repeated every day. These “bookends” become simple anchor points in your home for connection and predictability- which lead to calm and order. A morning bookend might be: listen to music while we eat breakfast, double check back packs and lunch boxes, hugs before we head out the door. A night bookend could be: brush teeth, tidy up bedroom together and snuggle to read a story. The possibilities are varied based on how many children and their ages- but having a replicable routine every morning and evening is helpful. (Also, bookends for running your home work the same way!)
• Choose only one thing to be “extra” about. Do you go over the top for birthdays? Fine, but let that be your thing. Do you enjoy putting together lots of super coordinated festive outfits? Great, but that is it. Same for class mom, handmade gifts, bedroom decor. There are so many regular areas to suck up time and money and energy- pick the one thing you love and be extravagant about it, but lower the energy and output for the rest. I promise, your kids would rather have you: present, peaceful and loving most of the time with less cool effects than a stressed out, cranky mom who all the other moms were trying to live up to your results.
• Build authentic, vulnerable friendships and a connection to God. In order to consistently meet the needs of children you need to be filled back up. You need to be reassured of your worth and value. You need to have life poured into you on days you feel discouraged with tantrums and sickness and whining. You need to remember God has purpose for you in the mundane and nonpostable moments. And all those needs come from connection to God and friends. In order to make real connections you need to put away technology and be face to face for conversation, for shared meals and for hugs. And you need to be still and quiet to hear God’s voice through prayer and time in scripture. This is something you have to fight like crazy for because everything in our world works against both these processes. But if you prioritize it, it’s possible to make the space to grow both these relationships.
That’s it Mama’s. 4 steps to simplify Motherhood. May you be encouraged in your journey by knowing that God is with you and for you and I am cheering you on too!